Friendships Across Life Stages

I am lucky enough to have several friendships that have seen me through multiple life stages. There is something comforting about people who have known you for over half your life.

You don’t have to set the scene for stories, dissect family dynamics, or explain why your spouse using the decorative hand towel sent you over the edge… they just know. I texted my bestie a few months ago asking her feelings about an “extra” tv that has appeared in her living room… news flash I already knew the feelings before I sent the text. Actually giggled to myself as I wrote it, knowing she’d see it and roll her eyes and laugh.

These conversations do not start and end, just continuous chatter about anything and everything. Its really a sacred thing, and I would be lost without these women. In one 15 minute conversation we can talk about the following: How we want to run away to Mexico and never return, a new podcast/book reccommendation, a weird developmental shift with your toddler, some new drama about an aging parent, and also an existential crisis about your career. The best part? Nobody bats an eye. Theres validation in the hard, and so much laughter.

I have had these women in all different stages of life. From summer camp & braces, to college frat parties, to meeting (and marrying) our spouses and everything in between. Now I am blessed to walk beside them on our motherhood adventures. These women have made me laugh, when it felt like I had forgotten how. They are not afraid of the hard, we’ve lived it together. From ended relationships to loss of a parent or a sibling, we have covered it all (and then some).

C has had the same group of friends for over 15 years. Some he met as early as elementary schools, all the way up until high school. The “Buddies” are exactly what you would expect from the name… chaotic and loyal, oh so loyal. They have each others backs in a way that is hard to explain, because its quiet and steady — but they will move literal mountains for each other.

A Saturday swim mom I met in September has quickly joined the ranks as a valued friend. We stand (with another friend I’ve had since fourth grade) and watch class happen, and have a healing therapy session over iced coffee and trauma. The best part, we leave feeling lighter and refreshed. The biggest thing as you grow is finding people who add to your life, there is no extra mental energy needed.

I think the term no new friends was coined by someone who just didn’t have the energy to vet new people to make sure the energy matched. Getting older it is easier to notice if you “vibe” with another adult— because you are more confident in who you are. The conversation flows lighter if you don’t have to pretend to be someone you aren’t.

There is something comforting in an old friend — someone who has known and liked you in different versions of yourself. They judge less, and accept you for who you are, while still challenging you to be the version of yourself that you want to be. A college friend who I reconnected with in motherhood, is the one who convinced me to start a blog. She simply asked “But why not? What is stopping you?” and I didn’t have a good answer.